Saturday, January 29, 2005

Rules for Open Mics

Just as the Name Game has its own immutable laws, so too do open mics. While the rules guiding available behavior are a little vague, there are certain things which one must not do when performing at an open mic.

1. Covering Neil Young results in instant disqualification. I love Neil Young. I listen to a lot of Neil Young. I cover his songs in the privacy of my own home, but have also heard way too many Neil Young covers at open mics. The sonic waves of Neil Young covers vibrating through the universe probably have, by this point, created their own gravitational field. Enough is enough.

2. Same thing goes for Dave Matthews.

3. If you're playing your own original songs, those songs must not suck. Ideally you should play your originals for unsuspecting and ignorant strangers on the street, and get their approval, before playing your originals at an open mic.

4. Your guitar should be in tune.

5. Emo-core, especially emo-core with scream-therapy-inspired choruses, has no place at an open mic. Not even open mics in coffeehouses populated by pretentious hipsters. Just don't do it.

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